maybe love can win.

so i started reading rob bell's "love wins" yesterday, and i'm about half-way through now, but a blog was just absolutely necessary. too many pent up thoughts to keep swirling inside my head. i'm not going to lie, i was nervous about this one. "sex god," "velvet elvis," and "jesus wants to save christians" were absolutely monumental in my history, and i try to read them each at least once a year because i always take something mind-boggling away from it. but, i was scared that all the rumors and hype would be true and this incredible man and author who has changed the way i view life wouldn't be as credible. so far, so good, and this book has been just as good. and i hope it stays that way.

somehow rob bell gets it. he gets that things can be different. he gets that the church is a stuffy clique. but most importantly, he makes me re-think jesus perhaps in the most raw, honest way i've ever seen. he is anointed, and he is part of a group of true preachers who will continue to raise up a new generation and change our community for the better.
we have outcasted our entire world. we think ourselves a superior people. the "chosen." that somehow because we once spoke a very specific set of words that it doesn't matter how we treat others, or if we live out love, or if we learn charity. but, my friends, i can't help but think hypocrisy and surprise will be the key pronouncements on judgment day for us. those who claim to be lovers of jesus, but miss the point completely. we're doing something so wrong.

i hate that we let our prejudices and our mis-guided rules keep us from loving. name one christian you know that doesn't judge. that is truly optimistic. that respects people. that is patient enough to wait in line a little bit longer to let a tired mom through with that one pack of diapers. that isn't so self-absorbed that they slam the door in the face of the grandpa with a stiff back at the gas-station. that goes out of their way to help the guy in the next desk at work have a slightly easier day. that will serve their family. that encourages. that doesn't keep score. that serves with joy. that treats neighbor and stranger and lover and friend alike.

name one church as a whole that makes you proud to be called a christian.

i can name one. that is sad, friends. and i don't know an immediate way to fix it, or how to change millions of viewpoints, but i do know this: impact starts with one. and reading that passage today made me realize- it's between me and jesus. not the grief that people give me, or the annoying little questions of where i've been, but the fact that something in my spirit has felt off for so long. and maybe, just perhaps maybe that has been a blessing in disguise. because i am seeking a community that connects with that and appreciates it. i yearn for it, and my heart aches for it, and i can't wait for the moment when i finally find it, because i will know. my soul will relate. for now, i am learning who i am. who he is. and what he meant when he picked me to live on this earth. and all i will do today is be striving for that. for more. for deeper. for transparency. for straightforwardness lived out. that's the only thing that will get people to jesus. that's the only thing that gives us a chance to get this thing right.

maybe that, at the bottom of it all, is why i'm so obsessed with the topic of love. because this whole idea makes me so sick to my stomach. no matter how annoying it is i just can't help but believe that love is really the only thing that matters. that relationship is the vitality of this life. without it, we live in portion, and in the end we will be the only ones that are missing out. not the ones we try to reel in with cheap bribes and glorified promises of easier life. we miss the gift. and we are the ones that will lose.